We're having a. . .

GIRL!!

So we've been asked frequently over the past few months whether we were hoping for a boy or a girl. I think it's sort of a terrible question. Not because it's such an awful thing to hope for one or the other. It's just that the more you have to answer it, the more convinced you are that you've got it figured out. And when you find out you're wrong, where does that leave you? So please everybody, don't ask me if I'm disappointed that we were completely wrong. We figured it would be a boy. Mark has even been reading The Complete Calvin and Hobbes to prepare for parenthood of a possibly precocious little boy. (Three huge volumes, one volume per trimester.) It took me a minute to register what the technician meant when she said, "It's a girl!" because I didn't understand most of what she was saying anyways. But yes, it's clearly a girl in there sloshing around in my belly.

I'm mostly excited that now we can move forward with things. Picking a name (which will be SO much easier than it would have been with a boy). Buying stuff. Deciding what we really need and what we can live without in our tiny apartment. Figuring out how to stuff a carseat into the backseat of our car.

Also, for the record, I have no intention of having a "Little Princess". Please don't try to convince me that I'm wrong about that, and I'll ignore the little smirks behind my back that suggest I'm naive and will understand some day soon. That's just the way it needs to be.

News, and Thoughts Thereon

So any of you who are on Facebook have probably already heard that we have exciting news. We are expecting a baby sometime around April 20. I have so many thoughts on my mind about this, and I want to explain a few things I’m feeling.

To begin with, I’m just so incredibly grateful for this little miracle that’s already begun. I really understand so much better than I once did how precious and fragile this little life is and I don’t ever want to take that for granted. We heard the little heartbeat yesterday, and it was just a relief and a comfort to know that the little white blur is alive and growing. How blessed I am to have a loving husband to help me as we both discover this new role and on throughout eternity.

This is something we’ve wanted for some time, and it hasn’t been as easy for us as it appears to be for others. Though there have been some hard times, I’m especially grateful for the learning that comes through those times. I understand how hard it is to happily listen to multiple friends announce pregnancies, complain about how much they hurt or feel sick, and ultimately bring children into the world and not feel at least a twinge of bitterness or even anger at times for the perceived insensitivity to how I must be feeling. I really just wanted to be a part of that, and unless you’ve ever experienced a similar situation you will never (no NEVER) fully understand the way it feels. I can’t even explain some of the strange emotional reactions and feelings I have had, and I worry sometimes about the damage they have caused to relationships in my life. These are the things I never want to forget because I don’t want to become that insensitive person that doesn’t consider the impact of my words and actions towards others.

With all of that said, I hope that explains why I really don’t want a big deal made out of me on this. It is wonderful to hear and know that people are happy for us, but I won’t be making huge public announcements, hopefully I won’t be complaining too much about my pregnancy symptoms, and I really won’t say a whole lot about it on my blog and places like it. It’s not that I’m not super excited. It’s simply that I think a lot of my emotions and feelings are personal and don’t need to be waved around in front of people who might be experiencing some of the sorts of struggles that I went through.

I do apologize to anybody who found out via Facebook—it’s really sort of a cop out. It’s kind of awkward to find a way to bring it up to people, and when messages started to pop up I figured I might as well acknowledge it. And it’s been nice to have the word spread so easily and effortlessly. But I did want to make it clear that this is first and foremost a wonderful blessing from our Father in Heaven, and now that the word is out we really want to keep some things to ourselves and develop our personal relationships with each other as we prepare for this frightening and exciting new experience.

4 Years

We broke 4 years of marriage this week! We relived our first anniversary with a trip to Skaneateles. Fall seems to officially be here, and we are really excited for our favorite season in New York.

Grad Students

Jenny feels taller, Mark feels woozy

We decided to do a real adult thing and apply for life insurance. They sent a nurse out to our home to do some tests on us this morning. I have spent most of my adult life under the delusion that I am 5'4" tall. Today I learned that I am actually 5'5 1/2" tall. With my shoes off and everything. Wow. My identity has been shaken, but I feel tall now.

The nurse (who was kinda crazy--she asked if she could use our bathroom and warned that she might make "stinkies") also took some blood samples from us. I'm a veteran blood donator, so needles don't really phase me so much. I always try to get Mark to come with me, but he always forcefully declines. I won't be asking him again. Two vials of blood and he started getting woozy. The next thing I knew he was passed out on the kitchen table. And the crazy nurse started saying something about 'seizures'. It freaked me out, but a few seconds later and he woke up and we all had a good laugh. The best news of all? Mark learned that you can dream when you're passed out, even if it's only for 30 seconds.