News, and Thoughts Thereon

So any of you who are on Facebook have probably already heard that we have exciting news. We are expecting a baby sometime around April 20. I have so many thoughts on my mind about this, and I want to explain a few things I’m feeling.

To begin with, I’m just so incredibly grateful for this little miracle that’s already begun. I really understand so much better than I once did how precious and fragile this little life is and I don’t ever want to take that for granted. We heard the little heartbeat yesterday, and it was just a relief and a comfort to know that the little white blur is alive and growing. How blessed I am to have a loving husband to help me as we both discover this new role and on throughout eternity.

This is something we’ve wanted for some time, and it hasn’t been as easy for us as it appears to be for others. Though there have been some hard times, I’m especially grateful for the learning that comes through those times. I understand how hard it is to happily listen to multiple friends announce pregnancies, complain about how much they hurt or feel sick, and ultimately bring children into the world and not feel at least a twinge of bitterness or even anger at times for the perceived insensitivity to how I must be feeling. I really just wanted to be a part of that, and unless you’ve ever experienced a similar situation you will never (no NEVER) fully understand the way it feels. I can’t even explain some of the strange emotional reactions and feelings I have had, and I worry sometimes about the damage they have caused to relationships in my life. These are the things I never want to forget because I don’t want to become that insensitive person that doesn’t consider the impact of my words and actions towards others.

With all of that said, I hope that explains why I really don’t want a big deal made out of me on this. It is wonderful to hear and know that people are happy for us, but I won’t be making huge public announcements, hopefully I won’t be complaining too much about my pregnancy symptoms, and I really won’t say a whole lot about it on my blog and places like it. It’s not that I’m not super excited. It’s simply that I think a lot of my emotions and feelings are personal and don’t need to be waved around in front of people who might be experiencing some of the sorts of struggles that I went through.

I do apologize to anybody who found out via Facebook—it’s really sort of a cop out. It’s kind of awkward to find a way to bring it up to people, and when messages started to pop up I figured I might as well acknowledge it. And it’s been nice to have the word spread so easily and effortlessly. But I did want to make it clear that this is first and foremost a wonderful blessing from our Father in Heaven, and now that the word is out we really want to keep some things to ourselves and develop our personal relationships with each other as we prepare for this frightening and exciting new experience.