This is a plea for help from any of my mom friends out there. I feel like I've exhausted all books, web forums, and doctor's advice on the topic of sleep, and I'm completely stuck. This little child is singlehandedly ruining all hope of sleep. Not that it's surprising, but it is exhausting, demoralizing, and isolating. Here is my dilemma:
Camilla slept through the night for two blissful weeks. A product of several failed and one successful attempt at letting her cry it out. She never cried very frantically or very long any time we tried it. As previously mentioned, traveling and a bunch of colds ruined any progress we had made. We tried again to let her cry it out when we were home and she was feeling better, but it was blood-curdling, frantic, desperate screaming. Non-stop. We didn't feel right about letting it continue for a number of reasons. She seems to have entered a serious phase of separation anxiety. Apparently it happens at this age. Most of the time, she wants mom, and only mom. As I don't seem to hear about this from other moms, I believe her case may be a bit more severe than typical. She has started pulling herself up in her crib and has all kinds of other developmental thing going on that make it hard for her to wind herself down.
I started spending part of the nights sleeping on Camilla's floor because she wanted to nurse at night (and if I didn't, we'd be back to screaming) and she was sick, so I let it continue. Now she will go to sleep in her crib at first, but wakes up every 2-3 hours all night long, sometimes more. The only thing that calms her back down is nursing, so I spend most of the night on her floor. I know it's a terrible habit, but it is the only way the three of us get any sleep. I have heard that the 9 month sleep regression is particularly hard, so I hoped to wait it out a bit and try with sleep training again later.
So at this point, I have a few options. Let her cry it out again (which I guarantee will involve hours of screaming) and hope that eventually torturing ourselves and her will pay off. Does anybody have experience letting a rather loud, angry baby cry it out?
I can keep sleeping on her floor because it means we'll at least get SOME sleep. The problem is, it's getting harder and harder for her to fall back asleep. I know she needs to learn to self-soothe, and it's at the point where this option isn't really getting us any rest either. And yet, because I know what to expect, it's the most likely thing to continue. Anybody have a bad round of 9 month sleep regression? And did it calm down eventually without drastic measures?
I can try some other sleep training method, but all of them involve somehow comforting your child without nursing. Doesn't work. We try holding her, rocking her, patting her, etc. just to break the nursing to sleep habit, but none of it will calm her down. Maybe we just need to let her cry for a couple hours in our arms? Any experience there? I would be willing to invest the time if I thought it would make a difference, but after calmly dealing with 30 minutes to an hour of non-stop screaming, I have to refrain myself from screaming myself! (Or worse. . .)
I know this is long, and I feel like most people will say, "Been there, done that, nothing about parenthood is easy." But I'm getting tired of reading all the same advice, all of which we've tried, and having no results. And many of the books I've read act like we should have done it their way from the start, and don't give helpful advice about what to do with an older baby who needs to be trained other than telling me to stop nursing her at night. (Um, duh. I know. How do I get her to sleep in the meantime?) I'm not willing to let her sleep in our bed because it makes me nervous and because recent activity suggests that it won't help her sleep better anyways. Would love some feedback from moms who have been here.
7 comments:
OK, so not a Mom yet, and I probably don't know what I am talking about so feel free to ignore me! But when I was a baby I used to cry a lot - I don't know how extreme. But my mom would get so frustrated she would finally dump me in my dads lap where he would rock me in the rocking chair and also scream at the top of his lungs.. That probably sounds crazy unless you've met my dad and then it all makes sense. Apparantly rocking (super super rocking, like as hard as possible in the rocking chair) and his screaming must have worked cause he likes to tell the story... Anyway, if this doesn't help hopefully it gets you a little laugh :)
OK, first, you have to change the spelling of Stephen's name on your link list, or I'm not giving up any info/help. ;)
All kidding aside, all three of our children have been different as sleepers. We co-slept with our girls. By about 10 months, though, they were very wiggly and I wasn't sleeping any more (up til then, nursing in bed was heaven). Zac was a screamer from the start...would not sleep for more than 45 minutes at a stretch and if we let him cry...well, it lasted longer than his sleep stretches. TORTURE! For him and us.
What worked for us might sound completely crazy, but it worked with all three. I nursed them all BUT, right before bed I'd nurse them, then hand them a very, very warm (not hot) bottle of formula. About 8 oz. We rocked them while they drank this. I really think that, due to formula lasting longer in the tummy, and being comforted by rocking, they felt content and secure. They would sleep, probably about 6 hours at a time when we did this.
Yes, it made them dependent on a bottle before bed. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit that they still keep a water bottle by their bedside to this day (all three of them). But it's water, and I'm not against decent hydration, so I'm OK with it. Plus, we get to sleep.
I know it sounds like a crazy solution, and our lactation folks thought we were CRAZY for introducing formula when we could wait a few more months and give milk, but I really feel it was our solution.
I don't know what will work for you, but if you ever just want to call and cry, feel free...I've totally been there!
I admit to being in the scream it out group. It hurts and it's really hard. Good music and good earphones help. I mean, if you're not going to sleep anyway, might as well enjoy it. It's friendly to talk to neighbors about it first just to let them know, but if they don't know by this point they probably won't notice.
Have you tried various noise machines in her room? Soft music on continuous play loop, Mark with a Primary hymnal or a physics book (I read Hy economics but I have to sing if I'm going to survive a long bout of crying), the "sleep sheep" that doubles as a white noise machine worked well for Hy.
I ache for you two. Good luck!
I use this little dream: http://www.amazon.com/4moms-Goodnight-Sleep-Trainer-Gray/dp/B001LK73GC. It worked like magic. I think Lindsey Hicks has one too. It helps you do the scream it out method, without so much stress. But I hate the scream it out method (the Ferber Method), but honestly, it works. And it's awful. But my kids are happier because of it. I didn't do it with Jane right away, and she had the hardest time, and I finally had to do the sleep trainer with her at age 2! Problem solved really quickly after that. I love Jillian's idea of giving warm formula before bed! Maybe introduce a noise machine, make sure the room is totally dark, and the temperature is good, make sure she has her most comfortable pajamas on, give her a bath before, some cuddle time and a story, then . . . put her in bed with a smile and a kiss, hit the sleep timer, and follow it until she's asleep. If she wakes up in the night, hit that timer again and do it all over. For three days it will probably be super hard. Maybe only two. Maybe a week. The nice thing about the sleep timer is that it remembers when you checked last and how long it took her to go to sleep day to day, so it adjusts accordingly. It's my favorite feature, and it takes all the worry out of "has it been too long? Should I go check on her now? What if she NEVER falls asleep?" But don't worry. She will.
If that doesn't work . . . I would bring her into bed with you, if you think that would be safe. For me it was perfectly fine. And I did it for the first several months until it was clear they were ready to sleep through the night. Then to the crib they went. With the sleep trainer they were doing awesome after 3 days. And even after travel and sickness and late naps, bedtime was surprisingly consistent.
Anyway, I'm terribly sorry to hear you're not getting much sleep. :( That is honestly the worst ever. It makes everything else so much harder. Let me know how things go. Oh, and you can buy one of those timers at Target and try it this very night. I think that's where I got mine. I'm sure they also have them at places like buy buy baby, or babies R us.
Hey there, sorry to hear that she still isn't sleeping too well. And the worse part about trying to figure out what to do is that every child is different.
This is a blog were a lady makes heating bags for her children, I know a mom here who has done some thing like this but has put in lavender oil to help the baby clam down. I have done the same but with some soccer socks to put around the girls necks. The heat and smell seem to calm them down enough to get them ready for bed.
http://sewmamasew.com/blog2/?p=280
Caitty has to take melatonin other wise her mind never really slows down enough to get to bed. I know that it does come in a liquid and for those kido's that hate taken meds i freeze it into ice cube popcicals with tooth picks for sticks. I know that most people don't like to have their children take meds but melatonin is some thing that the body makes and some kido''s just don't make enough.
Kaci just gets a little chocolate milk (made from nesquick) cause of the b 12 in the mix. It seems to help calm her down. B12 and Melatonin are usually found together in the body.
Caitty was a screamer when she was little. And boy did it kill to let her scream for a good hour and half but she eventually got into the routine of when it was bed time it is bed time.
There are lots of good ideas on here already posted by friends on your blog so I hope that some thing works for you. Keep hanging in there I know how bad you must want to pull out your hair some times but it will work out. And sorry i didn't spell check before i posted this had to run.
Oh we sure feel for you all!!! My kids were all criers (maybe not quite to Camilla's extent) and I HATED it. We did the cry it out method and it was THE WORST ever. I would cry to Jeff and wonder why in the world we couldn't just have one kid who would go to sleep well...but when we finally stuck to it and did it, it worked.
We use white noise for the kids, too- just fans, but I liked the suggestion of the music or your voices recorded.
I recommend being consistent with your bedtime routine...when you're ready to stick with whatever method you try, maybe change up the routine a tiny bit so that she recognizes this is new and in the 'new' routine this is what happens when she goes to sleep by herself... Does that make sense?
Also, one of the things we realized with Tave was that we were putting him to bed too late. I bumped his bedtime up a half hour and it did wonders for his sleeping...apparently he was just too tired and would get too worked up to self soothe. so you could try that too.
Does she have a favorite blanket or silky? Or maybe something that smells like you... with one of the kids Jeff and I slept with a blanket for a couple of days to get it smelling like us and then that is what they got to take to bed...i'm sure that sounds weird, but it helped.
Also, whenever you do decide to start a 'method' maybe you could have Mark give Camilla & you each a blessing?
Good luck. We will be praying for you guys for sure.
nurse her to sleep if she wants you to it is not the evil thing people build it up to be. it's not even bad for the teeth. bottles in bed are, but formula and a snuggle might be a good idea. good luck I am there too my baby hates me to sleep too.
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